One of my ex boyfriends is moving to Canada. In a way this is neither here nor there; we are long done and over with so I don’t really care where he lives, but I’m happy if he is happy. In general I do think it is a good idea for ex boyfriends* to move far away though. It should become an official break-up rule. Especially the ones that only recently became an ex and you realize that out of sight doesn’t immediately mean out of mind. I for once would like to bring some more distance between us to be on the safe side. The kind where you don’t need to wonder about running into him at the groceries in the standard scenario of – you un-showered, sweat pants, out to buy PMS chocolates and rent a sad movie – he with someone gorgeous, who looks like she has never even heard of PMS.
Of course I’m painting a worst case picture, but we all know it can happen just too easily. You can even avoid all familiar territory, but it’s still easy enough to just to run into an ex at a gallery opening, realizing you have common interests you never knew of, and choke on the olive in your martini. In my case this is unlikely as I don’t drink martinis anymore since I broke the martini rule – different story for a different time – and got sick, but you get my point. Murphy’s Law is having a field trip with running-into-your-ex-in-inconvenient-moments incidences. I once worked a promotion in Cologne for an audio book fair. We had to do a variety of activities wearing oversized Styrofoam headphones to show you can listen to audio books anytime. I got lucky and had to just lie on a couch in the middle of a busy shopping street. It was embarrassing enough I thought, but then I saw another girl who had to work out on a stepmaster with her headphones. Later she told us that on top of it all, her ex passed by with his new girlfriend.
In order to avoid any of these scenarios I wish ex’es would just move away. One could even make a television show, call it X-ile© and fly a whole bunch to a deserted island in the Pacific, where they can do no more harm. I don’t even mind if they get a nice trip and a better life out of it, as long as I can have my town back to myself. I also think it would make for a fun show, as long as you are watching someone else’s ex, so I think the ratings would be good too. It may just make for better television and a better world in general.
Island show or just moving to another place will also give the ex’es in question the chance to redeem themselves a bit by showing such courtesy and consideration. Depending on the degree they have hurt you (or just annoyed you in case you were the one breaking up) they must either cross one boarder, a continent, one or two oceans.
In case you are an ex boyfriend of someone and don’t care about being considered, just remember, karma is a bitch...
In case you wonder...I’m not sure what brought up this surge of cynicism on my side as I haven’t had any recent run-ins like the above. I guess the idea of it is enough to drive me a bit crazy right now.
I shall be off now, island scouting. And no, not to see if they are suitable for any ex boyfriends, but suitable for my Dad and my annual Christmas trip!
*I would also out of personal interest very much like to include what I like to call ‘unsuccessful love interests’ in this group. They should in fact put an ocean between me and them.