in some cultures people don't praise the beauty of a child might it get snatched away by envious, evil demons. that's how i feel about my life right now. i kind of, dare not say out loud, no less in writing how flipping amazing it is. that i'm having butterflies all the time. travel butterflies, project butterflies, people butterflies. all the good kinds... and to make it even better – i did it myself. i took a leap, i jumped, i flew. i worked hard on my happiness over the last couple of months and now i want to enjoy it and shout it to the world, demons be damned and aren't they always? and besides my desire to share, and okay, gloat a little, i am grateful and more than anything i think gratitude needs to be shared, preferably other than in a 3 x day post on facebook – no offense to those who are doing it, it's just not my cup of tea. or as my cousin posted in response “nobody dare fucking nominate me for this crap!” nevertheless i am grateful and i like saying certain things out loud. just like i love you or you are an ass!, thank you sounds better in my mouth than in my head. well, in my case it sounds best on paper/screen.
that brings me to something else. i have a little business idea in my mind. i have had it for quite some time and it has taken and changed shape over time, but now i'm almost ready to get it out there. mind you there are still so many things to do, but the general idea is ready to emerge. but here is the thing...i am terrified of failing. i am actually frozen in inactivity, if i don't do it, it can't go wrong, right? today for the first time i admitted that to myself that the reason why i haven't started yet isn't that i don't have time or don't think it will work or that i mind hard work, i don't at all. i am pure and simply terrified of failing, because i question what dream will be left if i do. this is it, this business i am planning is the essence of me. of course i know that dreams change and shift over our lives and once they are accomplished there will be new ones, but to see such an important one crushed would be, well, crushing.
but with all the faults i might have i'm not a coward or a negative person and so i need to start. with that said something gotta give and it's going to be this little blog. you can probably tell from my infrequent blogging over the past months that my interest is shifting away and instead of letting it slowly go into oblivion i thought it would be nicer to make a clean cut. so this is my last post. i am still very much writing for the travelettes so you can follow at least my traveling adventures there and i will keep my twitter and instragram for now. as for my new baby i will introduce it once it is ready to come out.
till then a special thank you to thekla for inspiring this blog to come along, to my mum who always prefered a letter from me to an actual birthday present because she liked my writing, and to all of you who read me and told me you liked it.
|that's me taking princess selfies in my bathroom at la sultana just before i flooded it (and the iphone) with my jacuzzi bubbles.|