a kingdom for the dragon slayer.

after i have roared, i did cry, a lot, and now i have moved on to inappropriate jokes and thoughts. if you are easily offended, you may want to skip this post. but then i don't know how you got here in the first place.

i am at the airport, trying to drink as many double g&ts before i board. i'm sitting here with my new pink memory foam pillow around my neck. my dad is having an emergency heart surgery and i'm flying home. whoopsie.

the surgeon is one of the best and he is close to my family. in fact back in the day he wanted to go out with me. i didn't want to for some silly reason or other i can't remember now. in fact i can, but i won't tell you for fear of someone yelling at me. ups.

my brother reckons if all goes well, i owe him a date after all. i agree and guess it's the modern day version of slaying a dragon for a girl.

on a more serious note i guess it is ideal worst case scenario. a personal mcdreamy for my dad. which doctor gives you his cell phone number and direct line to the theatre?

trying to pack when you to travel into the unknown, trying to keep the tears and the thoughts in check, is a tricky one. we all know that packing is a bitch at the best of times.

i'm wearing my leopard pants, not sure if this is appropriate. but then i will be at least easily recognizable as the 'daughter from africa'.

i thought about bringing my camera. after all i'm going to a city in germany i have never been too. can one do sightseeing on such occasion? i left it at home. iphone will have to do. i took my little blue backpack though. it reminds me of happier travel occasions.

i packed a small bag, the lady at the airport even asked me if i was sure i wanted to check it. yes, i am, i have shampoo. fuck. yes, you can buy shampoo in germany, but as i said packing is a bitch and i wasn't thinking clearly.

i had a lot more sarcastic and funny thoughts before i got here and started writing. now all i can do to not think about my dad is to wonder whether air france has really nice wine. they better.

Messy hair and inside smiling.

The weekend brought little improvement to my general mood. On Sunday I almost cried while driving to teach a class, because I was just so desperate to practise myself. Don’t get me wrong - I love teaching; I think I never had a more favourite job and I wouldn't even call it that. It usually makes me very happy to teach, but this time I just really didn't want to, I just really needed to slay an inner dragon or two on the mat myself. Anyhow…I couldn't  And yes, it was fine. And no, I didn't burst in tears. And no, I didn't torture my students a lot more than usual because of my frustration, though some may disagree…

However it just showed me that I am not completely back on track yet in terms of unwavering enthusiasm for life. I shall ignore your question of - am I ever? But at least I re-learned the lesson of appreciating the small things in life. Some you may call minute, but they still made me smile. At least from the inside.

Cheese.

Yesterday I added an extra ¼ mozzarella ball to my salad, to the ½ ball that was already in.

 It made me happy.

And then it made a little bit nauseous.

But happy was definitely first.

A proper GAP store.

One that is not in the Northern Suburbs.

One filled with jeans that fit me.

One with staff that was quite American. As in friendly and helpful.

A dance party in my lounge.

You can think about Grey’s Anatomy in general or me for watching too much and mentioning it way too often whatever you like, but it reminded me to have a dance party in my lounge.

Bestest idea ever.

Instant mood enhancers.

Almost like wine.

iPhone.

MINE. HERE. TODAY.

Thank you, big brother!

But nothing made smile more than finding this:

Yup. In case you wonder what this post is all about - this is it. I just needed a reason to show you this.

Me in a nutshell.

If my hair would ever fit in a nutshell that is.

Of yoga and dragons.

I just put this on facebook: “i'm trying to write a post about yoga and dragons. i don't think it will make sense to anyone but me.” Consider it a warning, but I thought this post needed to be written.

Have I mentioned how much I adore the movie ‘How to Train Your Dragon’? And that I was running around for days after and told everyone I wanted to have a Night Fury? Yes, I know the film only came out last year, which makes me a fully grown up person with a slight dragon fetish. I also believe I would have made an excellent addition to the Harry Potter squad of dragon keepers. You can get the extend of my dragon love by watching this again – I mean, come on, I filmed an entire episode of Life with my camera to show you amazing sea dragons dancing.

So there I was with my affinity to dragons on my yoga mat yesterday, though feeling like a freaking knight sent out to slay the dragon. I was Siegfried* and no questions asked. I had dragons and demons and all other kind of creatures inside of me and on my mat, which needed banishing. Or so it felt. It was quite scary actually. A night fury on its own. On top of it all I got quite mad, because I didn’t find the peace I was looking for in my practise. One thinks that doing yoga will give you peace of mind, some spiritual awakening or light. I got nada and then quite pissed actually. Then even more scared. I almost cried quite a few times. I think for the past few weeks I have almost avoided my mat, because it scares me. The things that move in my head, that come up out of nowhere it seems, make me want to run for the hills and never stop or look back . Like facing the really scary kind of dragon, the Night Fury kind before you know that it is a vegetarian dragon.
So after weeks of feeling uneasy in a place that usually feels home to me, something happened last night. Complete Night Fury epiphany. Class was over. I was lying still in blue light. The dragon had curled up beside me and started to purr. Everything was well again and silent. The thing that I had been fighting in me - it turned out to be a good dragon all along. I just didn’t know and was too scared to look till it came running directly towards me.
I came home and for the rest of the evening I felt like I was on a cloud and glowing. I couldn’t sleep, but that sometimes happens after yoga, I call it yoga insomnia and it’s quite beautiful. I woke up this morning and the cloud was still there. It still is now.

So there – piece of wisdom for the day: Face your dragons, don’t run away, stare them in the eyes, take them home, screw meat-free Monday, and feed them meatballs. And if you still ask yourself what this post was all about, just think of me with a little dragon sitting on my lap, doing 108 Oms tonight – it may just make you smile.

*German dragon Siegfried, not American tiger Siegfried!