butterflies.

ko phi phi or ko tao?

for those of you who know thailand, you will know that it is really a choice between paradise or paradise. and i'm omitting any pictures to not make it worse. i also admit it is a complete first world problem, but also the most urgent question on my mind these days. don't hate me.

and not to make anybody green with envy but i just booked a flight to bangkok and from bangkok to hamburg with a month holiday inbetween. and yeah…i am sort of very excited about it.
that wasn't the case last weekend. last weekend i was a nut job not being able to decide where and how i wanted to spend my holiday, driving myself a little bit crazy. as i do from time to time. yes, again first world problem ... having options. and then luckily i had a very productive sunday and it all fell into place.

yesterday i booked my flight, my tour, and part of my accommodation - here, because how can i not? - and all of a sudden i felt excited. i haven't felt excited in a good way in a really long time. butterflies. i had them, but the negative butterflies, the anxiety butterflies. if you ever had proper anxiety attacks you will know how great if feels to just not have them, to just be okay. to say goodbye to the butterflies.

but quite frankly i have also been just okay for a long time, i haven't been really happy or curious or excited in a positive way for a while. that sucks too. and i feel bad for it, which i guess makes matters worse, especially when i'm around friends. i feel like this non-person, the odd one out. and i don't want to be, i don't mean to offend anyone, but i guess it's part of a natural process when you plan a big move. you start detaching yourself so it will hurt less when the time comes. which is all well and good, but in reality it sucks because i end up spending too much time watching grey's anatomy re-runs by myself and i think i may regret it.
that was till i booked my holiday. for the first time in a long time felt butterflies, that weren't anxiety butterflies, but the kind that you want. the kind that spell falling in love, adventure, and great wonderful excitement.

so with that - please someone share my butterflies and help me decide between paradises.