hello, germany! i have arrived. after all the drama yesterday, 2 double g&ts, 11 hours on a plane, and finally watching kevin, home alone, i am in munich. tired, but with a freshly washed face, so you could call me sort of fit. i have also stopped going through my lost suitcase in my mind, recalling what was in there so i can mourn what i have lost. there is really no point to it. the worst part is my little flat. that flat that always felt like a safe haven to me, is no more and i think that is the worst. but i shall deal with it when i get back. now is christmas.
hello, anybody awake yet? anyone except for the vietnamese baby on the table next to me who just slid of the chair when his mum wasn't watching and who hit his head on the table in the process and is now crying like there is no tomorrow? or the guy on my left who must be battling with his soft boiled egg, because really, i have never heard anybody trying to break into a soft boiled egg that loudly.
so, ja, no one really that i would want to talk with. so instead i am writing the obligatory year end review. what happened in 2013?
the truth is that for the most part i felt like a victim. i felt like things that weren't all that great happened all the time and one after another. an attempt at something sort of a relationship that didn't work and the loneliness that follows. some health problems. writer's block. my car's window smashed enough times to make me feel uncomfortable where i live. a growing discomfort with my life in general in cape town. some work related anxiety. loosing my friend and teacher sy to reasons i still can't comprehend. my dad almost dying. i felt teary for the most part of the last few months. my flat broken in to and i had to learn the lesson that christmas really isn't about presents the hard way. mind you i knew that. it never was about presents for me, but my good thoughts for other people, materialized and gift wrapped. now i am sitting here at the airport and i'm almost home. and i think bad things do happen to good people. that is life. and of course, not all was bad. but over all this is the feeling i get when i look back. but now, today i am sick and tired of feeling like a victim. so what 2013 wasn't a great here. i won't complain. i will make the changes necessary inside and out and immediately, because i don't want to feel like this anymore.
the sun is rising next to me through the fog, literally. and i decide today to already say happy new year!