December 21, 2012

The new world.

I'm not a fan of New Year's, but I'm definitely a fan of any given new year. A fresh calendar sheet also makes for a fresh start in my mind. And though I don’t believe that the world will end today, it may as well function as an early new year's cut in my personal calendar. I will be very happily sitting on a plane in a few hours, singing It’s the end of the world as we know it…, and probably annoy some people too. I won't care. It shall be a new world for me tomorrow.
You know how Facebook recaps your passed year? In pictures, words, highlights... I thought the idea was quite neat till I put mine together and discovered that two of the four 'cover' pictures of me are one and the same, one in b/w and one in colour. When I had put it as my cover picture at the beginning of the year I almost immediately changed it, because friends kept on telling me they could see my nipples. Yes, I am fully closed in the picture, though laying down, which probably added to the nipple appeal and makes me wonder why Facebook didn't censor it to begin with.
Anyhow … since I found the representation of my whole year in these pictures a bit screwed, I thought it was maybe time for my own recap. Then I realized it might not be Facebook's fault that my year feels screwed. I don't even want to think about this past, still present year, anymore, I just want it to be over, because it was all sorts of screwed up. So I just want to take the lessons I learned and forget it ever happened. Sometimes things happen and all you can get out of it, is the fact that you walk away with a lesson learned. This time around I'm taking all the lessons and run. Yes, it has been one of those...
I knew the year started a bit scraggily. Nothing majorly wrong, but nothing quite right either. Things did not not fit, but they also didn't fit nicely.
A home away from home, the studio I was teaching at, was taken away from me.
A had a relationship, which wasn't quite right from the beginning and thus I was stuck with a boyfriend who had not the slightest understanding why I was upset.
A family who wanted to be supportive, but could neither be with me one hundred percent, nor tell me the truth. The truth that he was simply not right for me. Finally a painless end and the million thoughts and questions that still follow.
An affair to forget, which made me doubt my self-worth and sanity. After that I thought things were looking up.
Then things got back to scraggily with the evil travel agent, a chapter still unfinished.
After that I started to question the future. Again. As I have done so many times. When I start to feel like the woman from Chocolat, who needs to leave when the wind starts to blow, calling her away. In the movie it was a good thing of her defying the wind. In reality there is no evil wind to overcome, except the South Easter, which is quite literally knocking me over the head.
A new yoga studio, which couldn't become home.
Challenges conjured up and dreams crashed.
No new dreams on the horizon, all new opportunities still hiding. Some stress, some anxiety.
I guess, the usual suspects.
Now I take a breath. A deep one, because that's what I teach, one must do when things get tough, so I must do it myself, even though I sometimes don't even believe myself that it will work. I remember that not only can I draw the mental and official line between this year and the next very soon, I also remember the goods things which happened, the things I was blessed with. The things which don't make this year lost or a waste of time or just lessons learned.
I made a new friend, which I have missed here without knowing it.
I travelled more this year than ever before and each trip showed me this new side of myself, which I liked. A lot. A side I'm trying to bring out every day and though I usually fail without sweet mint tea or the discomfort of a tent, I still try.
I have written stories, which some of you liked, you told me so and it actually meant the world to me.
Two wonderful girls in my life are going to have babies and make me the African giraffe auntie. I'm going home for Christmas and will hug them both. And my parents, my siblings, my nephews, my good friends, and my old friends, who insist we must have coffee, because it simply has been way too long.

So on this more positive note Vacation Me has appeared, immediately ordered a G&T, and decided that this new and better world will start right now at the airport, because I shouldn't even wait for tomorrow.

Happy Holidays!

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