relax, don't do it.

i’m still getting used to the south african winter. after a few winters of being incredibly cold i learned my lesson and got a good duvet and started to wear proper shoes and a jacket. before i was one of those grumpy, cold people, stomping my flip flop clad foot: but this is africa, why do i need to wear a jacket?! but now i learned and the weather and i are fine.
however the work seasonality is still a strange one for me. like so many other people here, i too work in a seasonal job – production. that means long, work filled days during summer and short days, filing and picking up three phones calls per day in winter. i know i should enjoy less work and while still in summer i do look forward to the winter season. before i usually come up with a list of all the incredible things i want to do with my newfound freedom free time. last year’s winter list included:

give my flat a make-over.
give my wardrobe a make-over.
lose 5kgs and make my abs visible.
learn french.
blog every.single.day. and spellcheck too.
learn to cook new meals that do not include pasta. okay, that would never be on any list of mine.
write the novel. oh yes, i too have that plan, don’t we all?
write real letters to friends and family at home.

guess what is on this year’s list?
yup. the exact same. to have unaccomplished lists when you have the time and means to accomplish them is the most depressing. it made me really sad for a while to have the same list staring at me two years in a row. lazy sock times ten. so much time on hand and i am using it to watch friends re-runs when i could become superwoman and save the world a bit. phew.
with all my not doing things that are on the list, i am still doing yoga almost every day right now. as per usual i find that things – thoughts, feelings, motivations - apply seamlessly from my mat to my life, good or bad.

“in any pose the breakthrough comes not when you learn what to tighten, but what to relax.”

this is a bikram quote i read last week and it hit a nerve. while i have always known it to be true in class (flip i think i say "relax" so often when i teach, i may get a relaxing smack on the head any day now by a student), i started to wonder if it may work for the rest of my life too. maybe winter is a time to relax instead of tighten and power through lists? hibernation is natural and nature always knows best, non? maybe relaxing is what i actually need right now. to be more quiet, to be still, to reflect, to gather energy and ideas, to simply sit at home and laugh at friends, to think instead of do, to dream, to nap more, to let things happen instead of making them happen, to just be me as i am and to rather learn to be okay with that, to not make lists, but to just say relax, don’t do it.